“Have the courage to say no.
Have the courage to face the truth.
Do the right thing, because it is right.
These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”
W. Clement Stone
The moment you realize what you really want and what is in line with you is priceless. Often the solution is right in front of your eyes, but you don’t see it, until suddenly “the light goes on”. Someone, with an objective view of the situation, opens your eyes, or you yourself, after much thought, unexpectedly come to a conclusion. When “enlightenment” happens, it’s like you gain supernatural strength and become a superhero. Everything seems solvable. Mostly our limitations come from fears. Some are real and some are imaginary. It is difficult to overcome fear, do a “salto mortale” and oppose the established way of life and people’s opinion. It’s hard, but doable and valuable… These are some of my experiences, with tips that have worked pretty well in practice.
Make yourself visible and valuable!
Your image should be your true trademark – brand yourself. It is very important, but only if you are “truly yourself”, anything beyond that will look like a pale copy and the effect will be bad. Everyone is good at something, even though they may not be aware of it; it should be recognized, worked on, developed and perfected. For example, I am an extremely reliable worker, who completes all projects successfully and on time. (I don’t use the perfect, because this trait of mine does not only apply to my attitude towards work in the company I no longer work for, I am like that always and everywhere.) I have already mentioned how I received a compliment that I am a “make it happen person”, and that is what best describes me: without unnecessary and non-constructive delays, pragmatic, efficient and high-quality resolution of matters. Think about what your strengths are and focus on them. It is very important to be objective and realistic in presenting yourself, regardless of whether it is in real life or on the Internet. The virtual world “allows” us to be what we might want to be, although in reality we are not, so most people use this to falsely portray themselves on social networks. However, if you are not consistent and honest in expressing your experiences, views and opinions, if you want people online to see you differently than you really are, check first if your desire matches the reality of things. Lies can easily backfire on you. Therefore, always and above all be honest, both with yourself and with others.
Time and priority management
You must have noticed that the common thread of almost all job advertisements: the ability to work under pressure. That’s right, at work you are expected to be efficient and complete tasks quickly. This means that you have to be very well organized, which, first of all, means that you always separate the important from the unimportant, since at work there are many “consumers” of time and energy (very often unnecessary), so you have to make a selection. If you want to keep even a part of your private life, and I assume you do, you have to be a master at setting priorities. There is a so-called 3D model, which implies that you treat everything that comes to you and requires your reaction in one of these ways: D – do it, D – delegate it, D – delete it. It’s actually very simple, and it will make you an extremely efficient person. “I don’t have time” actually means that something is not a priority for you/someone. Let’s call a spade a spade.
Conflict management
Smart management of time and priorities also means managing conflicts, because they waste energy and valuable time, therefore – they are bad for both the business and you. Although there are clearly defined rules of conduct in the official form of the code, conflicts at work are inevitable. Surely, if you haven’t already, you will run into one of them at some point. What you need to take care of is to avoid the status of collateral damage, when the interests and desires of others get involved. If you don’t meet the goals, your boss won’t like you, if you meet more than expected and average, your colleagues won’t like you. There are numerous methods of conflict avoidance, tactics and confrontation, depending on the specific situation and your nature. The only general advice is that, before any reaction, you should carefully assess the situation you are in. Think well in advance about all possible scenarios, and if even the worst one is acceptable to you – then you can act. Of course, it happens that a person reacts impulsively in unforeseen circumstances, but it is generally possible to assess in advance where a relationship will lead. Respect for others is the most important thing, and you should behave like that, even though many around you behave the opposite. You be correct. Conflicts arise because people have no patience and understanding for others, and they think they have the primary right (which is selfish). For example, only in Serbia is there a lane for overtaking columns of cars, and everyone gets angry when you want to go around them. I realized that I can’t change that and when I finally accepted that, well boredom, traffic culture as it is, stress is gone. “God, give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to distinguish between them.”
When you want to win people’s affection – think about their feelings
Conflicts are inevitable, because they depend on many factors. If it depends on you whether it will happen or not, always do your best, as much as the situation allows, to prevent them from happening. If you want to have a good relationship with people, at work or outside, you have to show that you care about them, give them your time, energy, affection and attention, and take a genuine interest in their problems. You can learn something new from everyone, and each person is valuable to your overall experience. Always highlight what you have in common and emphasize that you are working toward the same goal. You can resolve misunderstandings by trying to understand other people’s reasons. Respect other people’s opinions and do not aggressively show that you are smarter than them, even if it is obvious that you are. Modesty is the virtue of the wise. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, you’d better prevent someone else from pointing it out to you, and be the first to admit your guilt. The way to a man’s reason leads through his heart. “A kind word and an iron door opens.”
Lead by example
Delegating duties and tasks is one of the most responsible and important jobs in the company, because the success of what you do depends on whom you authorize for which job. Of course, delegation does not mean only mechanical forwarding of work (although in some cases it amounts to that). Leaders (truly) are something like parents at work: they lead the team, guide, teach, but also provide freedom to develop and take responsibility. My leadership style is “lead by example”. Everything I demand from my team I show by my example. The team is always involved in all current projects (except those confidential and unavailable to wider circles). Everything is transparent. Maybe too much – as someone said… Delegating is a very stressful job, but you have to let others make mistakes in order to become independent and learn the job. “Thrown into the fire” is the fastest way to learn and test your abilities. Any authorization involves a certain amount of risk. But that’s how you grow, learn and get stronger.
Praise is more powerful than reproach
Praise is in most cases, as an incentive and motive, more valuable and effective than reproach. Let a man preserve his own pride; show people that you believe in their abilities; they will try to justify your trust. Encourage people, and they will do their best. Promotion is mostly related to performance and your engagement. This means that the decision maker should have the impression that you deserve the promotion. We all see things through our own lens (which can distort the image). We are all different, and that should be respected.
DTA – don’t trust anyone
I generally respect hierarchy and trust real authority. But experience has taught me that there are few real authorities, many insincere and bad people and that, therefore, no one should be completely trusted. At work, everyone will “sell” you if it suits them at some point. So provide for yourself, because no one will do it for you. Try to think ahead whenever you can. Formal communication is the law. And another important note: always read the content of an email before sending it and check who you are sending it to. Always write emails and copy the necessary ones, or especially forward important things “to whom it matters”. None of it is superfluous or excessive, but smart and professional, and in the spirit of freedom of exchange of different opinions. Multiple brains will always come up with the best solution, because they look at the situation from different perspectives. If your superior does not respond to your email (or question in any form), he is, in fact, abusing his position, preventing you from working, or blackmailing you. People very often avoid taking responsibility – they don’t want to leave a mark in writing and put their signature – because they know very well that they are doing something wrong. In Serbia, agreements are often verbal, and the choice of this type of communication is mostly justified by the speed, effectiveness of communication, etc. If you don’t get approval for something you are going to do in the form of written consent, the superior can always say that he was not aware of the situation, that he did not agree and that you exceeded your authority, thereby protecting yourself from everything. If you have to deal with this type of “communication”, send the email again as a reminder, and if you don’t get a response even then – remind them of the negative consequences that may occur if the other party does not speak up. That way, you move the ball into their court, and they generally respond in the end (reluctantly).
Decryption
It is very important that you understand the background of any story in which you are involved in any way. This will make it easier for you to assess the interests of the people making the decisions and to act in accordance with their expectations. It is about the skill of “reading between the lines” and “walking in other people’s shoes”. Your life will be much simpler if you master this, because you will be able to judge in time to what extent it is reasonable to accept something, and when it is time for a change.
Changing your mind is ok
Changing your mind, as long as you don’t do it too often or for no reason, doesn’t mean inconsistency. We make conclusions and decisions according to the information we have at that moment. If they are not true or complete, it is quite logical and expected that we will change our opinion in accordance with new knowledge. However, if you change your mind just because a superior or someone whose opinion you care about thinks differently than you – that is artificial and not good for you. You should preserve your attitude whenever circumstances permit. You must be deeply convinced that you are doing the good and right thing. Speak your mind, don’t pander. Only a constructive and honest discussion can lead to the right result. This is how great and simple people work.
Power games
If you’re not a gamer, that is, you don’t have the stomach for it, then try to be at the mercy of the powerful. Does this mean that you will be a hard worker, who will give useful suggestions and have results that the superiors can brag about, or a worker who serves to entertain the boss and has the function of raising the ego and perception of a dominant person – you choose and decide. Only, with every decision you have to know who can support you and who can benefit from you.
Be alert at all times.
Yes, you have to be very careful with evil people and use some of their tactics. Everything can be learned. There is usually a predetermined “target” that the corporate sharks focus on, agreed in advance and with a clear objective. In such situations:
– don’t take more responsibility than you really deserve,
– buy time to calm down, and
– feign ignorance about a situation that you have to check later.
Without much emotion
Of course, if you love what you do – your work results will be better; a lot of emotion is good for business, but not for you. Don’t get too attached to work. It’s much easier if you perceive the organization you work in as something current, temporary and look at it from the perspective of an analyst of people and situations. Then everything is relaxing. And you can only behave like that if you are not too emotionally involved. Someone will finish the job, and maybe not; it doesn’t even matter… There are more beautiful things in life that are worth devoting yourself to. At the end of life’s journey, no one says: I’m sorry I didn’t work harder and more dedicatedly, but: Why didn’t I enjoy life more: travel, spend time with family and friends, be brave and follow your dreams… After the experience that after a complete lecturing and devoting yourself to work will be declared “surplus”, you will realize that there is a different way of working – much more relaxed: when you don’t care, because you apply the principle of reciprocity – as much money and respect as work.
“Do you know who I am?”
This attitude in relation to people has proven countless times so far to be very useful, especially at work. I was brought up to respect others, which is an extremely beautiful trait, but the fact is that many see it as a weakness and try to abuse it. You were probably brought up in that direction as well. Now is the time to “park” your parents’ recommendations and adapt to new “trends” in treating people, if you don’t want those who are worse than you to dominate. What attitude to adopt and how to treat the person with whom you are making contact for the first time? First, you should value yourself and highlight your qualities as needed both to yourself and to others; secondly, you enter the relationship without prejudice – assume that everyone is equal and that you are not dependent on that person (even if they are the director). Everyone can sense when you are afraid, and that gives them a motive to attack. It is a relapse of animal behavior. If you do not show fear, but boldly express your attitude and opinion – others will also appreciate you. You project an image of yourself, which others accept and act accordingly. So take an attitude that will protect you and ensure you dominate the relationship. Appreciate yourself so that others will appreciate you.
Integrity
Keep your integrity. Whatever you do, whatever circumstances you find yourself in, know that you always have an obligation to moral duties and values. Always do what you promise. Never make too big and unrealistic promises. Respect other people’s dignity as well as your own. Work to get paid – there must be a balance between what you give and what you receive. For long-term success, it is necessary to develop self-respect, but also the respect of others.
Networking
Networking, in itself, is not a negative phenomenon, but it can easily become one if it is misused, and it is misused very often, or if it is incorrectly established and “used”. Build your network of contacts, surround yourself with influential but well-intentioned people, and people who will support you, in order to protect your position. But don’t make the mistake of relying exclusively on others on your way to success, because your success must depend, first of all, on yourself and on your qualities and merits. Also, don’t abuse your position as someone else’s “contact”. If you cooperate with a person and have confidence in him, in terms of competence and quality in the implementation of the work, of course you will recommend him, because “the winning team should not change”, but do not expect compensation for the service you do.
The power of habit
No matter how much they resist it or don’t want to admit it to themselves or others, people very easily fall into a routine, both on a private and business level. They don’t even notice when and how it happened, but they start doing things habitually, in a pattern, and it’s very difficult to change: firstly, because we are often not aware of it, and secondly, because it pleases us. A habit is not necessarily bad and harmful, on the contrary. When you do something that needs to be repeated day after day, training for example, it can be very beneficial. It is bad, however, when you are afraid to try something new, unknown and different – then you are like a hamster spinning in its own drum.
Work on yourself
In relation to the above – it is important to constantly work on yourself, whenever you have the opportunity to do so – and every second is an opportunity. This is of crucial importance for success in business, but also in all other fields. People develop and improve the most when they come into new, unknown, untested circumstances, because they are conditioned to function that way. When you get to know the new terrain, which, if you’ve put in the effort, will happen relatively quickly, you’ll start working by inertia. This implies the loss of fresh ideas, the weakening of motivation and – you slowly “fall out of the game”, become obsolete. That’s why occasionally stepping out of your “comfort zone” is necessary to keep yourself fresh. Don’t forget, it doesn’t matter how you start – but how you end (From being to becoming).
Timing is everything
The key to success is to be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps the most important thing in the business world is to be able to judge the moment when something should be said or done. It often happens that “the dice don’t line up” precisely because the moment is wrong. With current experience, I completely understand what Waiting for Godot is like. The worst thing is just waiting for something to happen. Some things simply won’t happen when we want them to and the way we want them to. And then, quite unexpectedly, something happened that we couldn’t even dream of. Strange are the ways of the Lord. And they should not be questioned. What we can do is live with the best of intentions and accept all the obstacles and temptations that come our way. And the hardest thing is to deal with impatience. “Everything in its time.” It is not for nothing that they say: “Patient-saved.”
Tolerance
The right moment, however, will not be of much importance if it is spoiled by a malfunction with the environment. In order for the relationship you establish with people to be valid and sustainable, you must know how to evaluate them, and then to accept what you have evaluated, regardless of whether the knowledge suits you or not. Can you “read” people? Can you influence them? If they don’t suit you, are you ready to put up with them, and at what cost? Tolerating the flaws and shortcomings of partners and associates is exhausting and difficult work, but necessary. Try to always see and understand someone’s faults and virtues, and accept them as a whole. Do not start from yourself in evaluating others, but try to look at them and evaluate them as best as possible. You should give time to everyone, a chance, and tolerate the occasional departure from the standard role. Showing patience, even when you don’t understand right away – that’s the basis for building a stable relationship. “You don’t know what kind of battle someone is fighting inside, so you have to be careful.” If you have the inner strength for it, then success is guaranteed. In the wabi-saba philosophy, the relationship with people involves accepting the other as a person who is not perfect, but at the same time as someone who will always learn and improve. For such an approach and relationship, we must appreciate the imperfections in ourselves and others, so instead of looking for flaws and perfectionist expectations, focus on something positive.
Determine your motives according to yourself – money is important, but fleeting
We all work for money, yes. But – never let him be the first on your priority list. He who longs for material wealth will suffer and do everything to realize it. In fact, such persons become slaves to their desires. It is often life in a golden cage. Are you successful if you depend on someone? No, you are just in a buying and selling relationship – you give what you have (youth, beauty, integrity…) and you take what you want (money, flashy jewelry, position…). It is a bad exchange because it is material, superficial and transitory. On the other hand, the one who longs for spiritual wealth becomes immune to lies and superficiality, and they cannot easily divert him from the right path. Such a person is, above all, free, because he does not depend on others.
Relationships at work – be careful
When your life at work steals away from your life outside of work, when you spend hours and hours with someone, it is quite expected that, even though you stick to the rules about not mixing business and private life, you will create some emotion in relation to that person. Depending on what you learn about her through the relationship, over time it will be born: sympathy me, positive emotions, connectedness, or antipathy and intolerance, and perhaps, simply, indifference and lack of interest in further deepening the contact. In the first case, maybe it will happen to you – love at work. According to some research, more than half of the employees had an affair with a colleague at some point, which speaks to the extent to which this phenomenon is natural and expected. However, I would never recommend getting into an emotional relationship at work if you are busy, because, as we know – everything has a beginning and an end. And the end inevitably comes one day. The question is – what then? The fact is that breaking an emotional relationship will cause consequences, and at which point the whole weight of the breakup will break and whether the business will suffer because of it depends on a number of factors, which are, above all, related to the characters of the people who were in the relationship. So, avoid relationships at work in a broad arc. But if you do embark on this adventure at some point, try to think in advance about the possible scenarios, prepare yourself for each of them… Of course, we know that everything I’m writing now is a theory and it’s not so easy to put the advice into practice if we know that emotions lead the way. But you definitely have to think ahead because this is not just about ending an emotional relationship; it can also lead to business interruption.
Dress for success
Style reflects the level of self-esteem. The attitude towards the wardrobe and everything related to the appearance speaks about how much you value yourself. Like it or not, people are visual types – especially men, and the aesthetic moment is important to them (that’s why “trophy” women, who devote most of their lives to beautification). It’s superficial, but that’s how it is. I, however, am not someone who likes to spend time beautifying myself. I see it as a waste of time for something that is unnatural. French women don’t dress up every day – they all look “casual & natural”, but they can shine for an evening out. That transformation is important. Of course, there should be a basis for that, i.e. a handsome body, without excess on the waist and thighs, and beautiful eyes. Yes, the eyes are the mirror of the soul – this is an incredible truth. A group of women were simultaneously shown the faces of criminals and “random” passers-by, and they unmistakably identified the villains – because of their eyes. Sad, smiling and happy, sad, restless, pensive… eyes betray us. You can also speak with your eyes. When I was a child, my mother just looked at me, said nothing, and I knew what she was thinking and what I should do or stop doing. Later, when you are in love, it shows in your gaze, and others see it too… “Cough and infatuation cannot be hidden.” So always look the interlocutor straight in the eyes.
Be careful with social networks
Today, in the age of extremely developed Internet technologies, it is not particularly difficult to discover details about people. It takes a little time and effort, and you can find out almost anything you want to know about a person. However, considering that a large number of them misrepresent themselves, i.e. embellish the real state of affairs and have the need to present themselves in the best possible light for the eyes of the public, you may not immediately get a completely true picture, but you will certainly be on the right track to get a glimpse what kind of person is he. It is enough just to follow the posts on social networks, if you have time for it and if you are interested in it. Also, the same applies in the opposite case – someone will search your posts and form an image of you based on them. Companies often check online profiles to get an impression of a job candidate. Some even go to such an extreme that they will disqualify you if you are not active enough online, although this in no way reflects your expertise and qualities for the specific job. So be careful what you write and post, because it can, and certainly will, affect your career. Once you post online, it stays online forever, even though you’ve seemingly deleted it. All your content, even if you have chosen to share with a limited number of people, is available to everyone and can be found at any time. The Internet was not designed for intimacy. Off work and off the record no longer exist when you communicate with work colleagues in this way. It can be a double-edged sword, because not everyone is “friends”, even though they are called that on the networks. Due to personal posts, you can be the subject of informal communications at work and cause negative and envious comments. There are many curious and inquisitive people, who feed on information from other people’s lives.
Separate business and private
The permeation of private and business life should be dosed and optimized. In my opinion, there should be a clear distinction between them. Privacy means intimacy and an oasis of peace for the spirit, and this is necessary for every person to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled. He who cannot be alone is insecure and malleable – he can be easily influenced. Such people are looking for friends at any cost, always and everywhere, especially at work, because there, like all employees, they spend most of their time on a daily basis. However, true friendships are rare at work. Mostly, interest groups are formed that are gathered together not around the same goal, which, however you take it, revolves around benefit.
Justice for introverts
All corporations actively promote respect for diversity in their teams, as long as it fits into their system. However, being different is not something that will give you any advantage, on the contrary. In order to fully fit into the collective, as indirectly dictated by the rules of conduct, you must be extroverted, which implies constant interaction with everyone, in order to strengthen your own position. If you are always and everywhere present, know everyone well, use every opportunity to promote yourself and your work, pompously present all your achievements, even if they cannot be called that – you are on a sure path to success, because that is what Search. It goes without saying that introverts, no matter how capable, hard-working, smart and successful they are in performing work tasks, will initially remain marginalized and, over time, excluded from the team. Unfair, but it’s true: the introverted genius will always be a step or more behind the extroverted ignoramus.
One call changes everything
It’s so true, even though it may be a phrase you’ve heard a million times. In your private or business life – that one call can change your future. So leave the line free. Be sure to deal with your desires and go to meet them. If you are looking for a new job, apply actively; if you are buying an apartment, hire a good real estate agent; if you want to meet someone new – socialize and be active on social networks. You never know when you will become someone’s discovery of a lifetime. Wait for that “life changing call”, and let your phone ringtone be cheerful.